Nicer Film Titles

On Twitter, people will often create games that end up in the Trending Topics. You'll see some topics have a "#" tag because it saves character space and others don't (because sometimes there are just words that are coming up a lot). But then there will be a topic with a "#" that is obviously silly.

Yesterday I saw one had appeared called "#nicerfilmtitles", films that have already been made but renamed to sound more pleasant. I was jealous I didn't think of it first, and also was looking for a quick joke writing exercise, so instead of coming up with my own topic I posted 50+ entries in an effort to dominate the game. I gained about 30 followers and lost about 10 (I guess some people want their Twitter feed to be quiet like a library, because they are lame). Some of these are pretty dumb, but I think there's a few good ones in there.

Here they are, reposted from my Twitter account:

1. A Streetcar Named Complacency
2. Das Slipper
3. Schindler's Kindle
4. A Drive-Thru Truth
5. Friend-Requesting Sarah Marshall
6. G.I. Joe: The Rise of COBRA Insurance
   
7. Drag me to Help
   
8. The Rocky Road Picture Show
9. Teen Poodle
   
10. No Country Time Lemonade for Old Men
11. You Got Soft-Served
12. Madea Goes to Screenwriting School
    
13. Zach and Miri Make a Hummingbird Documentary
14. The Curious Case of Benjamin Velcro
15. You've Got Actual Mail
16. The Mood Ring of the Christ
17. Angels and Naughty Retired Angels
18. The Da Vinci Sudoku
19. Traditional Funeral at Bernie's
    
20. There Will Be Ketchup
21. Skinks on a Plane
22. The Shawshank Probation
23. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Taking a Power Nap
24. Best-Selling Fiction
25. Mars Cuddles!
26. The Penultimate of the Mohicans
27. Interview with the Blood Donor
28. Ferris Bueller's Perfect Attendance Award
29. Skepticism and Criticism in Las Vegas
30. Donnie Pouto
31. Inactive Poets Society
32. So I Married an Axe Sharpener
33. The Shushing of the Lambs
    
34. Napoleon Sparkler
35. Edward Safetyscissorhands
36. Time Out to Smoochy
    
37. The Day the Earth Chilled Out for a Second
    
38. Bram Stoker's Shut-In
39. Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Helmet
40. Minor Pickle in Little China
41. 10 Things I'd Like to Sit Down and Discuss About You
42. V for Validation
43. Chinchillatouille
44. Reconcile Bill
45. Flying Nocturnal Mammal Gentleman Begins
46. Ghostrehabilitationers
47. This is Spinal Support
48. Barton Marmot (I realize now that I blended the meanings of "Fink" with "Mink". Maybe "Barton Jerk"?)
49. Dr. Speciallove
50. The Post-Binge Dehydration
51. Horseplay Club
52. The Empire has a Bee in its Bonnet
    
53. Taking the Scenic Route in Translation

I've got more shows coming up that I haven't posted in my calendar yet- stay tuned!

A Special Thing!

Don't forget, you can watch me on The Bob and Tom Show tonight on television!

Click here to see if you get WGN America where you live. The show is on at 11pm Central.

Also, I have somehow appeared on the splash page of comedy nerd mega-site aspecialthing.com. Behold my terrifying visage!

(permanent link to the front page article here)

Bob and Tom + New Video

Hey! Here's a new video of my stand-up!



Also, I'm going to be on The Bob and Tom Show on Monday morning at 7:00 AM Central, 8:00 AM Eastern! If you go to their site, you can see your location's closest affiliate! A big picture of my face! Heaven to Betsy! But perhaps best of all, the segment will be taped for possible use on The Bob and Tom Show's TV edition on WGN America. So keep an eye out, I might be on the television.

B-Town!

That's me, doing an impression of a jock whose latent homosexuality is bearing down at him the same way that supernova bore down on Romulus (Guess what I saw that morning? Don't worry, I didn't actually say Romulus onstage. I made the movie a separate piece of business.)

Opening for the Bammer in Bloomington was so freaking great. I was told by many residents that it is "the Austin of Indiana". It's a pretty hip little college town, and I had no hard time finding comic books and vegetarian food, so I would say the comparison holds! Also, my very good friends Caitlin and Devin drove down from Chicago and brought local family to a show, and I told the story about when I drove down to B-Town for their wedding and purchased a gargoyle in Gnaw Bone, IN. It felt so cozy and geektasticeriffic, it was like I hadn't even left my neighborhood. And yet there I was opening for one of my heroes in a new venue. I went to the Soma coffee shop, drank a rooibos tea next to an old television with a fish tank in it and read a B.P.R.D. comic book. I WAS A FUCKING KING.

And I come back to this neat article in TimeOut, about Twitter and Comedy. They also talked to Nick Vatterott and Paula Poundstone! Nice freakin' company to be in.

Also, bunch of new shows coming up. Check the calendar!

Secular Humanism at Work!

Marc Maron left before I could go all comedy nerd on him and get a picture, but Janeane hung out and chatted with fans for over an hour after the show. She doesn't have email or manage any social website nonsense, so real-world interaction is the only way people get to tell her how awesome she is. Lucky for her fans, she is cool staying up late.

The shows were so fun. Someone shouted out "Dinosaurs!" after I came onstage. That's one of my fucking bits! Someone just yelled it out. Okay sir, I had planned on doing something else but how can I not do the dinosaur bit. Marc and Janeane killed. Both of them have very casual stage personas, and it sells the dark material so well. I took a lot from that.

So the next week and a half will be a little crazy. Tonight I head out to Bloomington, Indiana for three nights of shows with Maria Bamford. Then on Tuesday I'm performing in the charity gay(la), then the following Friday and Saturday I'm emceeing for Todd Barry at the Lakeshore Theater, then on that Sunday are callbacks for the Montreal and Chicago iterations of the Just For Laughs Festival. After that I will hopefully get some time to catch my breath- I do have a family after all.

Come Out For Change!

Some of you may remember my blog post last year where I got on my e-soapbox for gay marriage in Illinois. Anyway, I hope some of you do. Gay rights are one of those causes that I feel particularly passionate about. One has only to truly connect with a gay friend of family member to know how important gay rights are. Homosexuality is a part of the human condition whether you are ready for it or not, so it's high time the more frightened of us started adapting and stopped resisting.

I've been asked to be a part of a show called Come Out For Change: A Gay(la) for Charity. Tickets are $20, pre-sale only, so it will definitely sell out. The show will benefit Allied For Equality and PFLAG, two organizations who include among their major goals forming bonds of support between gays, their friends, and their relatives. And I am the "token straight comic". It will be a priviledge to get up in front of this crowd and talk about my own nature, which resembles that of an 8 year old girl more than a grown man. But more than that I really want people to know more about these organizations and to get involved.

The more vocal we are, the more bonds will form, and the more ignorance will lose it's footing. If you agree that the world would be a better place if homosexuals were afforded the same luxuries and rights as straight people, please take some time to make your voice heard on this issue. Tell everyone you can with whatever platform you have at your disposal. It makes a bigger difference than you might think.

Garofalo, Maron, Barry, and a CD!

So I have a bunch of new dates coming up. In particular, I will be emceeing the double-headliner shows of Janeane Garofalo and Marc Maron on May 1st. Later in the month I'll be emceeing again for Todd Barry. All at the Lakeshore Theater. Hooray!

I also ordered 100 copies of a CD... of me! It's going to cost a cheap $5 and I am going to sell them exclusively at shows and see if I can't make a little pocket money. They are 17 minutes of my material from the two shows where I opened for Paul F. Tompkins at the Lakeshore. 17 minutes that I am proud of though, and it sounds damned fantastic. It was recorded with really professional audio equipment and I was very grateful for the chance to have the shows captured so nicely. Also, it would be rude of me to not mention that my friends and Chicago ex-patriates Team Submarine have just released a CD as well, which you can order online!

I will be back on the road with Maria Bamford (that still sounds like words that I am typing in the misty landscape of my imagination, but no, tis reality) in early May as well.

Cripes! I am sure having a good time. Did you hear Patton Oswalt's daughter was born? I never thought it would really happen, but I am excited to hear more about how it changes his life as a fellow atheist/enthusiast. To read the lovely flight of fancy attached to the news, you will have to search the strip malls of the internet. Because Patton wants it that way.